I finally succumbed to Tumblr.

I’m so frustrated. Last year, I was set on going to Bournemouth to do Paramedic Sciences, then I changed my mind after going to visit Robyn in London and loving the whole lifestyle, therefore deciding that I wanted to live and study in London.

And now, I’m at crisis again. I gained my first offer yesterday for Bournemouth University for Biology. I wasn’t even going to apply there but I realised that as I’m pretty indecisive I should at least leave myself the option. This prompted me to look deeper into my London courses and realising that I will not get a place on the Biomedical Science course as they require an A Level in Chemistry and 300+ UCAS points, both of which I will not achieve. South Bank is the only possibility I have left in London and with only 50 places on the course, it’s unlikely I’ll get into that.

Belfast and Brighton don’t really appeal to me much either, and all of my friends who have studied in London have told me how lonely the life is there, and it’s beginning to make me worry that I won’t enjoy living in London as I once hoped I would. I have Jess, Lucy and Amelia there, but in such a big city is that enough?

Whereas Bournemouth has the beach, which I do love, Jack Reynolds and Co, Luba and Hayley probably living there as well which I can’t lie is probably influencing me in going to Bournemouth more than it should. There are also reasons why I don’t want to go to Bournemouth, mainly the clique mentality that seems to take place but at the same time, I think it’s that I would miss the most if I was alone in London, not knowing anyone.

And I’m taking into consideration something that really shouldn’t have any value on my choice of Uni, something I can’t disclose but something that thus far has reaped no benefit for me and so should not alter my decisions.

Why do I have to be so indecisive?

So tumblr, its been a while. I’ve spent the last week of my life in Belfast visiting my friend Chloe O’malley at uni and basically getting a feel for the place as it’s a possibility for my university choice. Anyway, it was a week away from all of the shit in Southampton that has been bringing me down recently.

Regardless, it was an amazing experience and I’m going to write a massive diary entry about it another time, detailing my whole experience. I’ve been back one day in Southampton and already been slapped in the face with the shit I was avoiding, but for once, I’m above that shit. I’ve seen what I’ve needed to see, what would have once made me jealous and yet despite the possible temporary happiness is not lulling and only made me want to improve myself rather than look upon ‘who and what’ is better than myself.

I really don’t want to fall back into the old lifestyle I had managed to succumb to where I stayed in my room on a laptop not actually living my life. Now I have my car back, I’m going to ensure that my life is as interesting as possible, starting with the gymnastics classes I began to attend tonight.

I’m talking shit, but tonight has been a fail. Tomorrow will be better :)

My Tumblr is all rant…if you don’t like it, don’t read it :)

You know what, I think I believe in something like fate, destiny or karma. Some shit that determines what happens in your life because it appears that every now and then I can see some sort of sign about something that is going to happen. However, my feelings now are that whatever it is that decides on what will happen is not fair and is determined by the actions you’ve taken but is in fact some scorned little resentful bitch that likes to take pot shots and remind you of what you are trying to forget most.

In recent months, I’ve had several of my friends make assumptions about certain things going on in my life, assuming that I still have feelings for my ex and that whenever I say anything remotely relevant to liking someone or having seen someone I shouldn’t, that I am talking about them. This isn’t the case. That ship sailed long ago and since then, there have been a ‘short voyages’ with others. It is at this point though, I’m currently trying to get someone out of my head, and avoiding looking at information about them, I am somehow confronted with someone else, whom somehow was on the feed on my hotmail account?!?! having a profile picture involving said person. At 6am, it’s not something I wanted to see.

Other tribulations have involved someone who I once considered a friend, and had drifted away from, finding out that they had been taking every opportunity to insult me behind my back and then being completely fake to my face. I reacted badly to it, drunkenly but perfectly justified. And then, somehow I fell out with Trimble the next day because he was in a bad mood, though that has since been sorted out after he apologised for being a prick.

I’ve had gastroenteritis since Tuesday, which has been a lovely experience. ‘Inflamed stomach and intestinal tract’. Complete loss of apetite and vomitting/stomach cramps. The only thing I’ve managed to keep down is one chicken breast and a mini roll in 4 days. I’ve eaten a Mcdonalds and some chips on a night out on Tuesday but they were both promptly making appearances the next morning. I managed to projectile vomit so much yesterday, it actually went up my nose. I felt like I must have sorted a kilo of cocaine, it stung so much.

Anyway, wasn’t going to go to work today because I’m still not 100% but as long as I don’t vomit beforehand, I’m going to go as I’ve got a new suit, I’m actually excited to wear. Might be doing a photoshoot with Lee afterwards, not sure yet and Rhian is back from Kent so I’m tempted to go out with her tonight.

London in three days. Driving Test in three days. Belfast in four days. Valentines in eight. Next week shall be busy :)

DAFLAKDFLAJDFL

I’ve bid farewell to twitter until I sort some things out. I’ve got a lot going on, I have no idea how I feel about any of the situations I’m currently involved in. It’s all fucked and yet, I refuse to sort my life out and be certain about anythng.

Cannot wait for Tuesday. Going out with Robyn and seeing Jess. Wednesday commences with an entire week with Chloe O’malley including a great valentines day that I hopefully won’t forget.

Going to get another job for during the week so I can get more money and get a new car. I might even do something to do with delivery driving. Just to use my car more.

Bllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaah. The end.